Unveiling the iPhone 2.0?

by Chris Seibold May 08, 2008

At WWDC it is widely expected that Apple will unveil a new iPhone. Specualtion+iPhone= Lots of demands about the so far imaginary device. Which is great, the demands (and associated rumors) means that there is a lot of interest in the device.

Here at AppleMatters we like to go the extra mile and instead of listing the demands of iPhoners we're going to show you the changes Apple is making and actually reveal the iPhone of the future. Using the latest technology (felt tip markers) behold the new iPhone:

The Key:

1. Users are demanding true GPS capability, like a Tom Tom in your pocket. In order to keep power demands down and because Apple never does the expected the new iPhone will ship with iDirect. This stunning implementation of technology uses magnetic fields of the earth to keep one end of the iDirect constantly pointing north. The complex mechanism is bathed in a greenish-yellow solution so that the pointing device can point unencumbered by friction. Sheer genius on the part of Apple, what does the Garmin do for you when it doesn't have power?

2. Slide out keyboard. iPhone users haven't been demanding slide out keyboards but Blackberry users have. They say it's faster to type on a sliding keyboard. iPhone 2 includes the slide out keyboard and to keep the iPhone feel alive the keys are still virtual.

3. Better speakers. Anyone who has tried to use an iPhone as the sole source of music for a rave has been sorely disappointed, the speakers just don't generate a cavern filling amount of volume. With iPhone 2.0 that has changed, not only does the iPhone get better speakers the new phone has two tweeters and a woofer. In a backhanded swipe at the #2 music player the speakers are surrounded by a Zune brown color.

4. User replaceable battery (not pictured). Everyone moans about the lack of a user replaceable battery so Apple will address the issue with the 2.0 iPhone. Instead of using proprietary batteries the iPhone 2.0 uses four D cells, enough to last most people two days. To accommodate the batteries iPhone 2.0 will be three inches thick.

5. Faster browsing. One sticking point with users has been the relatively slow speed of the EDGE network. Most people are expecting 3G in the iPhone 2.0 but that is far too obvious. Instead for every 100 phones sold Apple will lauch a new satellite into space. Expect transfer speeds in the 3 Mbps range.

6. Better camera (not pictured) and built in flash. The camera on the iPhone will be bumped from a few megapixels to a dozen. There will also be a ring to screw on Canon lenses but what really sets the phone apart is the built in flash!

7. Video iChat. Despite AT&T's wishes the next iteration of the iPhone will feature video iChatting (note the camera lens on the face of the iPhone). Here I'm chatting with Hadley between his polo matches.

Not everything can fit into the picture. Here's a few more changes coming with the 2nd revision of the iPhone:

1. Lower price. The cheapest iPhone costs $399 and that is simply too much for the average cell phone owner to part with for a phone. These people are used to getting the phone for free! So, to satisfy the demands of users the iPhone will be free and passed out like AOL used to pass out disks. To keep the perceived value of the iPhone propped up randomnly selected phones will have Steve Jobs preloaded in the contact list.

2. No contract. If you buy an iPhone now you are locked into AT&T, the DeathStar of cell phone companies. But what if you want to use your iPhone with Verizon, (the rectum of cell phone providers) or Sprint (the appendix of cell phone providers)? You are boned. Sure there are hacks but it isn't the full iPhone experience. Visual Voicemail and Edge only works with AT&T. So the next version has to work with any cell company. What isn't pictured is the new anyphone port on the back. Take you current phone and tether it to the iPhone and you'll be able to use your iPhone with any provider you wish. Calls and such will still be made using your old phone but, when you want the iPod part of the iPhone package, you can flip to the iPhone. Suh-weet!

That list of changes should satisfy everyone. Thankfully Apple has started to listen to its customers!


  • Chris, you just made my day. Thanks for the laughs.

    One thing, WWDC = developers :: WWDC = SDK 1.0 final but no iPhone 2.0 until June 30, mark my words.


    Robomac had this to say on May 08, 2008 Posts: 846
  • I’ve already pre-ordered mine!

    Beeblebrox had this to say on May 08, 2008 Posts: 2220
  • I want an iPhone with Stylus!!!  My husband LOVES his iPhone, but with fingernails, I find it frustratingly difficult to use the keypad.  I have an older iPAQ to use for minor online functions, & I don’t even need to use it’s stylus: just tap with fingernail & it’s gold!

    So, when my cellphone broke last week, I waited - patiently, G*D**IT! - wishing & hoping that Apple in it’s infinite goodness & wisdom would just open up a stylus option when they made the big announcement of 2.0 & 3G today.  NO LUCK! :(

    Considering ergonomics & user testing studies indicated men & women use their fingers/nails differently Over TEN YEARS AGO, why does Apple persist in this misogyny?

    SCLegacyPhD had this to say on Jun 09, 2008 Posts: 1
  • Yes, a version with a physical keyboard is needed. Some people (including me) want a physical keyboard.

    Marky Goldstein had this to say on May 05, 2009 Posts: 2
  • This phone looks great. It is like a utility knife. It has all the features you need. Personally, I prefer a physical keyboard because it looks more durable than touch screen. - Unilife Alan Shortall

    Alan Shortall had this to say on Sep 23, 2011 Posts: 35
  • This is a nice blog. Good clean UI and nice informative blog. I will be coming back soon, Thanks for posting some great ideas. Hermes Handbags

    backpack had this to say on Oct 05, 2011 Posts: 18
  • Even steve job’s passed out, he left all people with smile, smile for us what he do, and what he can do. thumbs up for him. hire a java programmer

    android app developer had this to say on Oct 07, 2011 Posts: 4
  • I want a physical keyboard. I don’t understand new standards. Testy pozycjonowanie

    Alpina had this to say on Oct 21, 2011 Posts: 154
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