Apple Designs New MacBooks To Withstand Drops, 45. Caliber Rounds

by James R. Stoup Nov 17, 2008

Recent news leaks from a source within Apple confirm that the company is indeed working on upgrading their current MacBook Air laptops with carbon fiber components. This move was allegedly prompted after certain executives expressed their concerns that the needs of some key demographics were not being met. Said one executive:

"We want our customers to feel confident that their preferred portable computing device can stop small arms fire and still be able to check their email afterwards. Think of it as a value-added feature."

When asked who might be interested in such capabilities another VP explained:

"We have many customers who have a great need for our products but have the misfortune of being in dangerous, sometimes unsavory lines of work. Drug dealers, terrorist, mob informants, dictators, super villians, these people all deserve a laptop that can stand up to the daily pressures of their lives. Because you never know when a 'freedom fighter' might get a little to close, am I right? Or maybe Vinnie from the outfit drops by while you're trying to type up your last will and testement, what do you do? We are offering innovative hardware that just might save your life, because you never know when you might need your laptop to catch a round."

Current Apple laptops are built using aircraft-grade aluminum and while that may be good enough for the US Air Force, it just doesn't cut the mustard at Apple. So starting in 2009 all MacBook Airs will be made using this new composite material. When asked about the future of this product line a source withing Apple confirmed that research was currently underway to create even stronger devices. One engineer in particular commented:

"We really thought we had a winner with adamantium, unfortunately we were to discover later that that particular substance doesn't actually exist. However this hasn't diminished our enthusiasm. Our ultimate goal is to build a computer that can still be used by the mutated survivors of a global nuclear war. What can we say, we like to plan ahead."

Unconfirmed reports have alleged that Dell is currently working on a laptop built out of cardboard.


  • Is it April 1st already?

    Robert Pritchett had this to say on Nov 17, 2008 Posts: 25
  • I tested this and I wasn’t happy with the result, although the MacBook still works:


    DCJ001 had this to say on Nov 17, 2008 Posts: 7
  • I know what you’re thinking, punk. You’re thinking, did he fire six shots or only five? Well to tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being as this is an Apple MacBook Air, the thinnest laptop in the world and will blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?

    John Lockwood had this to say on Nov 18, 2008 Posts: 4
  • And pigs can fly.

    WetcoastBob had this to say on Nov 18, 2008 Posts: 29
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